I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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