So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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