my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
