high people should be assigned attendants
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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