god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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