I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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