So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
