Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
