Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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