The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
