When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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