Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
