Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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