I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I fill condoms, not promises.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
