I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
