Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sober January is a disaster.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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