So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
