those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
