I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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