Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ladies don't puke and tell
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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