I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
