I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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