I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
