please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
