Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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