He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
