You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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