I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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