You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
