My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
