I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
