spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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