Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
