he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
