I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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