I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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