There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were trust falling into bushes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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