My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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