textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
