no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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