Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
