i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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