It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm having to shit out rocks
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
