This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
