cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
