Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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