sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
