Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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