I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
