Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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