forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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