goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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