Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
