Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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