I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
