Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
