I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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