would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What drink are we having for lunch?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize