Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
bring money and cleavage
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
