The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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