So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
