wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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