you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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