I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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