Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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