Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
