TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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