Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize